The recent passing of my dear Nana was not unexpected. Yet, the profound sadness I felt mixed with relief that her suffering had finally ended left me feeling drained and withdrawn. I had no interest in taking enjoyment in writing a daily instalment of the December FairyTale Challenge as I was immersed in my grief. I know my readers understand and the cards ….well, of course, the cards would be there when I got back. I wonder now, though, as I pull some cards from my new THOTH deck, why I didn’t connect with my cards even in a difficult time?
The first card I drew was the four of wands representing Completion of a cycle. I took that to mean that I needed to process my Nana’s death and come to understand fully the cycle of life and death and the life that carries on afterwards.
The Hanged Man has represented that necessary waiting and acceptance period I’ve undergone, letting “Thy Will Be Done”. I also experienced a spiritual crisis in which I questioned my belief in God, the point of doing Tarot cards at all, and why I still needed them in my life. I entered a period of the ‘ Dark Night of the Soul’ where I tried to make sense of life after death and the point of emotional suffering.
The Two of Wands signalled that there is a return to ‘Will Power’ and the new direction I want to take my life in. I realize that my duty to the memory of my Nana is to live life as fully as possible and with vigour, knowing that she is still a guiding force in my life. She would be surprised to know that I do Tarot, but perhaps not, considering that her mother read tea-leaves and was a psychic. It also might explain the connection I’ve always had with her as she would always tell me that she had been thinking of me the moment before I called her on the phone. No doubt about it, I will miss her deeply.